Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
