It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
