Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
