Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Say something about gay babies.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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