I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
