it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
