Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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