she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
