FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
