I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
