I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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