i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
