I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
