getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
PANTIES FOUND
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