Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
