Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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