Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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