What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I won the penis lottery.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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