she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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