It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
