"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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