i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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