i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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