i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
