sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
