i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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