It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
