I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
