hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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