nutella sex= disaster
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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