The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
