party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
