it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize