I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
