I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
