My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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