Your mouth is God's brothel.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
