how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
