singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
