College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
