ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
