Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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