My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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