I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
