just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
