It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
