You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i dont even know how to be here
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she peed on how many people?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We don't watch enough power rangers
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
