Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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