So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
