theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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