I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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