Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
