i think my tv is drunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
