While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
