she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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