Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
