Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
