i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
