no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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