we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
