i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
