We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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