don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
