as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
