there's paper in my vomit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
