I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
