I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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