dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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