I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
