Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
