when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
