walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
