Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
