Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
