hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
