Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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