i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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