I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
