I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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