Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
