Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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